Mixtape
by JustAskSunKing
Summary: What were you doing in 1994? Bella and Edward were wreaking havoc, making out, breaking up, and making up. This mixtape is his gift to her. The song remembers when.
1. Prologue

Dear Bella,

I never thought we'd get here…the here where you're mine. It's been a long year, filled with emergency rooms, being grounded, and...well...that, but we got through it. I know we've had a lot of ups and downs, and there were times when I was sure you hated me. Through it all, I knew you were the one for me. I hope you still feel the same, because you're my forever.

I made this mixtape so we'll never forget this year. I hope you have a tape player because I don't have a CD burner yet. These songs will always make me remember falling in love with you, losing you, and getting you back again. You'll probably laugh at some, and you'll think some are dumb (especially since I didn't put any Nirvana songs on here), but you have to know they remind me of the best, or at least the most important, time of my life.

I wish I could write more, but Mom's calling for lights out. I can't wait until we graduate next year and can be together without our parents all up in our business. We'll go to college together and no one will be able to tell us when we can and can't be together. Until then, we'll keep making memories. I love you.

Yours forever,

Edward

**Track 1: The Sign, Ace of Base**

oOo

Drag out your 90s music and listen along. You know you want to.

Huge, unending thanks to m7707, who set aside a whole day to beta this monster.

Will post once daily until the tape ends.


	2. The Sign

The Sign

_I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes_

_I saw the sign_

_Life is demanding without understanding_

A rumbling engine caught the attention of every student in the parking lot, mostly because the vehicle sounded forty miles away while still drowning out all conversation.

"What is that?" Jasper Hale asked, tilting his head to search the sky. "Are we being invaded?"

Alice Cullen narrowed her eyes and stared toward the school entrance. "It's not a plane, dumbass."

Her cheeks colored after using the word, and her brother, Edward, laughed as she fought the urge to look around for anyone who might catch her cursing.

"It's probably that truck." Emmett McCarty nodded his head in the direction of an old, rusted Ford careening down the hill toward school.

"Maybe Tyler Crowley finally replaced the minivan." Jasper's sister, Rosalie, sniffed and studied her nails.

When the truck didn't slow, everyone turned back to their conversations, expecting it to continue on its merry way. Only Edward couldn't take his eyes off it. The coughing, roaring engine wheezed and sputtered, the brakes whined, and the whole vehicle shuddered violently as the driver attempted to turn.

"Oh, shit. He's gonna miss the road."

At Edward's groan, Emmett turned back to the spectacle with a gleeful expression. "This will be excellent."

Sure enough, the truck swung wide, nearly on two wheels, and missed the entrance to the school completely. What it did not miss was the fifteen-foot-tall school sign held up by two rather flimsy posts. Everyone watched in horror as the driver crashed into those posts, taking down the sign and several power lines at the same time.

Behind Edward and his friends, the school went dark. In front of them, the truck's driver leaned on the horn, sending a plaintive honk into the parking lot and surrounding wilderness.

"Think he's hurt?" Edward asked, his laughter ceasing when the seriousness of the accident set in.

"Maybe we should check." Alice wrung her hands and took a few steps toward the crash site.

Just then, the long, uninterrupted horn stopped. The sound was followed by short, staccato bursts, as if the driver was banging his head against his steering wheel.

"I think he's okay, but we should still go introduce ourselves. Anyone who can make an entrance like that on the first day of school _needs_ to be my friend." Emmett rubbed his hands together and started the parade across the parking lot.

Several students followed and formed a circle around the smoking vehicle, waiting for Emmett to make the first move. Instead, the driver wrenched the door open, tumbled out in a heap, and then took a deep bow.

Edward felt his heart stop. They'd all assumed the driver was a guy, so when miles of glossy brown hair flipped forward and back, exposing a pale, heart-shaped face and molten brown eyes, a ripple of shock moved through the crowd of students. After a moment of silence, applause and whistles filled the air, and the driver gave a jaunty wave. Edward still didn't move.

"Dude, let's go meet her." Emmett shoved Edward forward, completely oblivious to how the truck-driving brunette rocked his friend's world.

"You win the award for best entrance," he shouted, calling the girl's attention to the little group.

She shrugged and started in their direction after kicking the door shut with a muttered curse.

"What's wrong with your friend?" She nodded in Edward's direction, where he stood frozen to the spot. Her gaze flickered to the rest of the group, but returned to the tall, handsome boy almost immediately.

"Loud noises scare him." Rosalie smirked.

She threw Edward a look over her shoulder that clearly asked what the hell his problem was.

His eyes widened as he realized everyone's attention had shifted to him. With forced calm, he sauntered forward to join his friends. His eyes roamed over the new girl, taking in her short denim skirt, cropped black T-shirt, and Doc Marten boots. A flannel shirt was tied around her waist, hanging lower than the hem of her skirt and framing the most beautiful set of legs he'd ever seen. He'd never wanted to touch something so badly.

"Didn't you see the sign?" He ran a hand through his hair to quiet his nerves.

The girl smirked and winked a heavily lined eye. "Oh, I saw it."

Jasper hummed a few lines from the song, and they all broke into laughter when Alice started to dance along. Edward was thrilled to have the attention diverted away from him.

With nothing to see except a dead truck and an even deader school sign, everyone turned to head back to the school.

"You knocked the electricity out." Emmett wrapped an arm around the new girl's neck and gave a friendly squeeze. "We'll probably get to go right back home on the first day of school. Sweet."

"If that doesn't make you the most popular girl here, I don't know what would." Rosalie smiled, but it didn't meet her eyes. Having her position challenged by a girl in flannel was not high on her wishlist.

"Eh, I'll piss everyone off soon enough." The new girl nudged Rosalie with a laugh, comfortably handing the crown back to its rightful owner.

"So what's going to happen with that?" Edward turned back to the mess at the school entrance.

The new girl laughed again and shook her head. "My dad's never gonna believe I didn't do that on purpose. I guess I'll give him a call and let him know his brake job sucked."

"You're lucky you weren't hurt." Edward sucked in a breath of dismay at the blatant devotion in his voice. He couldn't help it. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

"In that beast? Please. It could get hit by a meteor and survive. That truck will never die. In Phoenix, I drove it into a wall on my sixteenth birthday—again, bad brake job. My dad accused me of trying to wreck my way to a better car. I didn't think that was such a bad idea, so I started running it into everything. Not even a dent. That truck will outlive me."

"Well, just in case, you should tell us your name so we'll know what to write in the obituary." Jasper flashed a winning grin.

"Oh, yeah. I'm Bella. Bella Swan. And that's my dad over there—Chief Swan. That's right, folks. I'm a living, breathing stereotype. The policeman's trouble-making daughter. It's not as cool as it sounds. I'm probably grounded."

She left her new friends staring after her as she ran to meet her father, who had ostensibly been called to the scene of the accident. The man's expression was priceless—a mixture of resignation, irritation, and amusement. He mouthed the words _you're grounded_, and she threw up her hands in defeat.

"I didn't do it on purpose," Bella called as she approached. "I just decided I like that truck this morning. Not."

**Track 2: Whoomp, There It Is, Tag Team**


	3. Whoomp There It Is

Whoomp There It Is

_There's a party over here_

_a party over there_

_Wave your hands in the air_

_Shake the derriere_

_These three words mean you're gettin' busy_

_Whoomp there it is_

* * *

It was a Saturday night, and nothing good was on TV.

Bella called Alice, who called Rosalie, who told Jasper, who called Emmett, and twenty minutes later they all gathered on the wide front porch at the Cullen house.

"Edward went out for a run," Alice announced. "And we're taking his car so we have to wait. He went out a while ago, so he should be back soon."

"Why can't we take your car?" Bella didn't bother hiding the gleam in her eyes.

Rosalie laughed. "B, I know you're aching to get behind the wheel of that piece of shit Alice calls a Porsche—"

"Watch it!" Alice cried indignantly, staring affectionately at her yellow 1980 Porsche.

"—but we'd be lucky if three people the size of Alice fit in that thing, let alone six of us, including Mr. All-American Linebacker over there."

Emmett grinned and flexed his arms, striking a bodybuilder pose.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned to Bella. She and Emmett had an on-again, off-again romance, and she hadn't gotten around to forgiving him for leaving her behind when he went on a camping trip with Jasper and Edward in August.

"Besides, Alice only ever drives the speed limit. She'd shit a brick if you really tried to open up the engine."

Bella laughed, and Alice turned bright red.

"You should have more respect for the speed limit," Alice lectured. "Your dad's a cop! Doesn't he tell you stories about gruesome accidents and horrible deaths caused by inattentive teen drivers?"

"Oh, he does." Bella pulled out a pack of cigarettes and smiled wickedly. "I just don't listen. Hey, Jasper, got a light?"

"Sure thing, doll."

She was staring out into the late September Washington twilight and puffing on her second cigarette when Edward emerged from the mist, covered in a light sheen of rain and frowning in concentration. His grey T-shirt was soaked, and it clung to his chest in ways she definitely appreciated.

"Dude," Jasper yelled, waving his arms.

Edward smiled at the sight of his friend, but then he saw the rest of the group, including Bella. A flash of panic crossed his face, as it often did when he came upon the brash brunette. He climbed the porch steps slowly.

"What's going on, guys?"

He shook out his hair, flicking his sister with rain and sweat. She squealed.

"Absolutely nothing," Bella said. "So, we're taking your car out on the town. You coming or what?"

"Uh..."

The very idea of spending any time at all in close quarters with Bella sent blood rushing to Edward's cheeks..and other places. He hoped the others would assume his flushed face was the aftermath of a long run. Rosalie had caught him staring longingly at their new friend, but she hadn't said anything yet. She was probably just biding her time.

"Yeah. Totally. Gimme a sec."

Ten minutes and a quick shower later, they were all jammed into his old, rusty Volvo. It wasn't that much bigger than Alice's car, so Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap and Bella was squeezed in the middle of the front seat between Edward and Emmett.

Edward drove aimlessly for a while, but there were only so many streets in Forks.

"This is boooring," Bella complained.

She stretched her arms out and hooked her elbows around Emmett and Edward. In the back seat, Rosalie shifted and cleared her throat.

"Let's play a game," Alice suggested. "We could play the alphabet game!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "You always want to play the alphabet game. Do you know how long it would take to find a Q in Forks? There are two billboards and about twenty cars total."

"I think we should play strip padiddle."

Edward whipped his head around at the word _strip_, his mind already removing her clothing, and Jasper cheered from the backseat.

"Schwing! I like this girl!" he said loudly, even as Alice punched him in the arm. "Where have you been all our lives, B?"

"Wasting away in Phoenix, my friend. And Indianapolis. And Houston. And Memphis. And Philadelphia."

She turned and looked over her left shoulder as she spoke, and her breasts rubbed against Edward's arm. He struggled to keep his breathing under control.

"What's strip padiddle?" His voice cracked at the end.

"It's easy."

She turned back to Edward and leaned against Emmett's chest. Rosalie growled.

"Every time you see a car with a headlight out, you hit the top of the car and yell _padiddle_. Last one to say it has to take off a piece of clothing. We can keep driving around here or head toward Port Angeles."

"Oh, Lord," Jasper muttered. "Thank you for that terrible mechanic who charges a fortune to replace a headlight. Amen."

Alice looked stricken. "What if we get pulled over?"

Bella turned, brushing against Edward yet again.

"Alice. There is one cop in this podunk town. He is my father. Besides, when's the last time Edward got a ticket?"

He thrilled at the sound of his name on her lips but forced himself to respond normally. "Never."

"Exactly." She grinned and adopted a terrible British accent. "The game's afoot."

An hour later, Rosalie sat in her bra and underwear, Alice had taken off both shoes and socks, and Emmett's shirt had been thrown out the window somewhere near the Quileute reservation. Rosalie wheedled him into climbing over the seat and squeezing into the back with her, Alice, and Jasper, and Bella was sprawled comfortably over the front seat with her feet in Edward's lap.

Edward concentrated on keeping the situation in his pants under control. Every touch set his body on fire; every glance had him gripping the steering wheel. She was radiant in her mischief, her laugh filling the car and making his heart thud wildly. Nothing would be more mortifying than the girl of his dreams brushing against his boner with her foot. He felt like a pervert.

A blue car whizzed by, and the car erupted in shouts. Bella kept her mouth shut.

"B, you're losing your touch," Rosalie teased. "We've seen that car three times tonight."

The blonde had been significantly nicer since Emmett joined her in the back seat. The two would clearly be back together by Monday.

"Nah," Bella said. "It's just boring when you don't strip."

With that, she pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it into the backseat, revealing a simple, black cotton bra. _Whoomp, there it is_, sang the radio. It may as well have been choirs of angels. Edward couldn't help himself. He stared.

"Was that a cop?"

Alice's voice pierced his reverie. Bella swore as the flashing lights gained on them.

"Somebody give me my goddamn shirt!"

"Where did it go?"

"It isn't that big a car! Oh, shit, Rose, cover your tits!"

Chief Swan sauntered up to the rusted out Volvo and knocked on the window. Slowly, Edward rolled it down. He cleared his throat.

"Hello, Mr. Sw- Mr. Chief- Chief Swan, sir."

But Chief Swan wasn't listening. He stared at the object of Edward's raging desire, who crossed her arms over her nearly bare chest and smiled brightly.

"Hey, Dad. Nice night, huh?"

"Out," he whispered, his mustache twitching dangerously. "Into the squad car, Isabella."

"I'm grounded, huh?"

"And then some."

**Track 3: Stay (I Missed You), Lisa Loeb**


	4. Stay (I Missed You)

Stay (I Missed You)

_You said that I was naive,_

_And I thought that I was strong._

_I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."_

_Oh but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you._

Shrieks of laughter carried down from Alice's bedroom to where Edward sat sulking on the couch. In his fertile imagination, the girls wore underwear and beat each other senseless with pillows. All the girls except Alice, of course. Alice could participate in the pillow fight, as long as she wore a turtleneck and took all the blows to her face.

He grumbled and punched at the couch cushions because he'd been barred from the festivities, relegated to the downstairs away from Bella and her special brand of crazy. She'd brought over a bag full of movies, so they'd taken away the VCR. He couldn't even watch _Tombstone _for the millionth time, and the chilly November night was too cold for a run. He was stuck with his thoughts and no outlet for them.

"It's so short!"

The words filtered down the steps, and Edward imagined Bella in a tiny skirt that barely covered her—

"It'll grow back." Rosalie said those words with absolute conviction. "Besides, it looks really cute. No one else has that haircut, Alice. You'll be the one all the girls are copying."

A door slammed, cutting off the voices again, but Edward didn't mind. His fantasy had been ruined when he realized they were talking about Alice's hair and not Bella's state of dress.

Music filled the house a few minutes later, getting louder in spurts as the doors opened and closed. Edward's mother wandered through from her bedroom to the kitchen, staring at the ceiling above her with amused frustration.

"I've heard she's bad news." Esme stared at Edward pointedly.

He shrugged and fought the heat that rose to his cheeks. Bad news or not, she was gorgeous and full of life. He was crazy about her, but she only liked him when she needed a ride.

"At least they're all here where I can keep an eye on them. I don't worry so much when they're at the Hales, either, but I shudder to think what Bella gets up to when no parents are around."

"She's mostly grounded, anyway."

"I'm surprised Chief Swan doesn't lock her up."

Esme smiled when she said it but shook her head with a mixture of affection and trepidation.

"I'm going to make some brownies."

No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the doors upstairs opened and the sound of feet thundered down the steps. Edward sat forward on the couch and pretended to study the TV Guide, but his eyes sought Bella. Before he could catch a glimpse of her, someone else caught his attention.

"What did you do to your hair?"

Alice froze and patted her hair self-consciously. "I know it's short—"

"It's _black."_

Where Alice's long, auburn curls had once been was a chin-length bob the color of ink. Edward felt a surge of anger.

"What did you do to my sister?"

Bella took a step back in alarm, but stubbornly lifted her chin and met his irritated glare.

"She looks cute, Edward."

"She was already cute. My sister is beautiful. You didn't need to… to…"

Tears trembled on Alice's lower lashes, ready to fall at any moment. "You hate it, don't you?"

Edward shook his head in remorse and pulled his sister into a hug. "No, I don't. She's right. It really is cute. But you shouldn't feel like you have to change to fit in. Did you want to do it?"

Alice looked up at him and nodded. "I wanted to look like Uma Thurman in _Pulp Fiction_."

"Then I like it."

"Come lick the bowl." Esme broke up the tension from the kitchen with a promise of chocolate, and the girls bolted for the door.

Bella stopped and turned back when she and Edward were alone. "I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to give her courage to change if she wanted to. That's all."

Edward gave a terse nod and plopped back down on the couch. She glanced toward the laughter coming from the rest of the women and smiled.

"Your mom's great. Mine never knew what to do with me. That's why I'm here, I guess. My dad doesn't really know what to do, either, except keep me under lock and key."

Warmth filled Edward at Bella's praise for his mother. As crazy as she made him sometimes, he really did love her. "She is great. And…well, thanks for helping Alice. She shouldn't always be such a wuss. Maybe she'll learn that from you."

Bella smiled once more and disappeared, leaving Edward to stew in his thoughts on the couch. The next thing he knew, a movement on the cushion jarred him from sleep.

He opened his eyes to complete darkness and realized it was the middle of the night. A static hum crackled, a breath was released, and then the smell of her shampoo washed over him. His heart gave a great thump at the mere possibility of sharing the couch with Bella, but he didn't dare hope. Then, she spoke.

"Sorry to wake you. I couldn't sleep. I was going to watch TV, but I didn't know you were here."

"'S'okay," he mumbled sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Just after midnight."

The two sat in silence for a moment before Edward realized he was wasting his chance, the one time he'd probably ever get the girl alone.

"Sorry about earlier." His voice was rough and made him cringe. "I shouldn't have yelled."

"It's really okay." The cushions shifted again, and Edward imagined Bella getting comfortable, maybe crossing her long legs or draping herself over the arm of the couch. "It's cute how much your family likes each other."

"We like you, too." The words slipped out before Edward could stop them. After trying to fight his blush, he shrugged and decided to run with it. "I like you."

A gasp sounded in the darkness. A cold sweat broke out on Edward's top lip as he waited.

"Edward." Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Please don't."

"Why not?" He clenched his fingers into fists, desperate to hide but determined to see his bold declaration through. "I do. You're the prettiest, funniest girl I've ever met. I can't help it. I like you."

He heard a sniffle. With no clear idea of where she sat, Edward reached blindly for her hand. Just as skin touched skin, she pulled away.

"You're too good. I know that sounds like a line, but it's true. I'm a mess, Edward, and you're amazing."

"I don't care," he insisted. "I don't have to be so good."

He sat for another moment before admitting defeat. When the embarrassment wore off, he hoped they could still be friends. Until then, he had no choice but to run.

Edward stood, ready to bolt. Before he could take the first step toward the safety of his room, she spoke.

"Stay."

"Why? You don't think I'm good enough, and that's okay. Maybe we could still hang out with all our friends, but you don't have to pretend to like me."

"I'm not pretending, Edward. Stay, please. You're better than good enough. I'm the one who's not. But I'm also selfish, and I hope you don't hate me for that some day."

"I could never…" His words halted when she reached up and touched his hand.

Slowly, she pressed her palm to his and tangled their fingers together. A slow burn moved from the point of connection, spreading over his shoulders and taking residence somewhere in his chest. He plopped back down on the couch, his legs unable to support him any longer.

Bella leaned toward him, her warm breath caressing his ear and neck. "I like you, too."

Before his body could fully react to her nearness, to the sensation of her mouth so close to his, the sound of a vibrating pager interrupted the moment.

"Shit, it's my dad. Can I use your phone?"

He handed her the cordless from the cradle next to him and sat quietly while she dialed, marveling that the tingles from her brief touch still assaulted his senses.

"Hey, Dad." She paused to let her father talk. "I'm at the Cullens' house."

Edward could hear Chief Swan yelling on the other end of the line but couldn't make out the words.

"I did tell you, Dad. I left a note."

Again, more yelling. It seemed a note was not sufficient.

"Sure, sure. I'm grounded; I get it. Can I start being grounded tomorrow?"

A thrill zinged through Edward as he realized he could keep her for the whole night. Her next words shot that hope to hell.

"Fine. I'll be there in a few minutes."

She hung up and turned apologetic eyes to Edward. "I'm—"

"Grounded, yeah," Edward finished for her with a grin. "I'll see you at school?"

"If I'm not grounded from that, too," Bella said with a cheeky smile.

Before either could think, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple. He sat in awe as her truck taillights disappeared down the street.

**Track 4: Gin and Juice, Snoop Doggy Dogg**


	5. Gin and Juice

Gin and Juice

_May I kick a little something for the G's?_

_And, make a few ends as I breeze through_

_Two in the mornin' and the party's still jumpin'_

_'Cause my momma ain't home_

Bella knew before she picked up the phone to call Rosalie that her idea would probably end in a grounding from the Chief, but she felt restless and wild and needed an outlet. _Damn the consequences_, as her mother was fond of saying.

Chief Swan was on patrol, and Bella knew from experience she had until approximately two in the morning before he made it home from the station. If the pretty widow from La Push was working dispatch that night, it would be even later. So, when she called Rosalie, her instructions were clear.

"Call everyone you know and tell them I'm having a party. B.Y.O.B. They have to get here by ten. I need everybody out by one so I can clean up and pretend like nothing happened."

She chose Rosalie for a few reasons, not least of which was that Rose could party harder than any of her other new friends, and she wasn't afraid to get a little wild. Alice would have shot down the idea in a heartbeat, and Bella still wasn't quite comfortable plotting mischief alone with any of the guys. Male friends were an oddity, and she couldn't quite get a read on the line between friendly flirting and inappropriate behavior.

Especially with Edward.

She shut down those thoughts before they wandered too far afield. Edward was off limits. He deserved a girl without a criminal record. Someone whose own parents didn't think she was a lost cause.

Unfortunately, Edward was the first to arrive. He pulled into the driveway at 9:45. Alice was nowhere to be seen.

Bella forced herself to smile naturally when she answered the door. They hadn't spoken about their late night conversation at his house, and several weeks had passed. The dreary December cold filled the air between them and saturated every interaction.

"Hey, you." Her voice came out high and nervous.

"Hey. Uh. Alice wanted to come but—"

"She thinks we're going to get caught," Bella finished, smiling genuinely this time.

Alice was ten months older than Edward but often seemed like the younger sibling. Edward always looked out for her and tried to take care of her. Bella admired that, especially because she had always fantasized about having a brother or sister, someone to turn to when things got really tough.

Edward shrugged apologetically.

"I brought some vodka." He offered her the bag slung over his shoulder. "My dad hardly ever drinks, and my mom mostly sticks to her wine. I dumped it into a plastic bottle and filled the vodka bottle with water. They'll never notice the difference."

"Wow, Edward, that was...really sneaky." Bella took the bag and laughed.

He shrugged. "I can be sneaky."

"You are the king of the sneaks!" Bella proclaimed. "How about a drink? If you don't like vodka, I'm having gin. Snuck it back with me from Arizona."

"Good call."

The problem with inviting "everybody" at a small town high school to a party was that, inevitably, _everybody_ will show up. By midnight, so many people crowded into the small two story house that teenagers overflowed into the yard, smoking and drinking and not even trying to be quiet.

A dance party broke out in the living room, and Bella was blissfully oblivious to just how out of control her party had gotten. Rosalie and Emmett were making out in the kitchen, Jasper was with the stoners on the back porch, and Bella was drunkenly trying to teach Edward how to grind in the living room.

"Like this?" He clenched his hands in fists and raised them over his head, shaking his butt in a distinctly unsexy fashion.

"You're doing my part!" Bella laughed and grabbed his hands. She pulled them down and made him grip her hips. "Like this."

Someone shoved him, and they ended up pressed together against a wall. He reached out a steadying hand, and suddenly, she was surrounded by him, his scent of sweat and aftershave and something distinctly woodsy filling her senses.

"You smell good," she said dreamily.

A few drinks ago, she wouldn't have dared hinting at how much she secretly adored him for fear of leading him on, but she was drunk enough to set aside her determination and just enjoy the warmth of his solid chest against hers. He leaned over and trailed his free hand up her arm, raising goosebumps on her skin. She shivered.

"So do you," he whispered. The words were lost in the pulsing music.

"Don't you want to dance?" She pressed closer to him and laced her hands together behind his back. Their hips swayed to the beat.

"Aren't we?" He had to shout to be heard, but that didn't take away from the intensity of the moment.

"What?"

She reached up and pulled down on his neck, forcing him to stoop. He found himself staring into her eyes, eyes that reminded him of a lioness on the prowl. Flecks of gold pulled him under.

"Bella."

She blinked and started to pull away, but he held her in place. She licked her lips.

"I'm gonna kiss you now," he announced.

"We shouldn't." But she didn't move to stop him.

"That's not a no."

The sounds of the party faded into the background, and the only sound Edward heard was the blood pulsing in his ears. He didn't break eye contact as he leaned in, only closing them as he brushed her mouth hesitantly with his.

She stilled, her eyes fluttering closed. The thump of her heart matched the rhythm of the music, but it was so much louder than anything pumping from the speakers. He mistook her inaction for rejection and backed away slowly, but before he could move too far, her fingers locked in an iron grip on the back of his neck. When her mouth covered his hungrily, pinpricks of light exploded in his vision. The heat of her lips was heaven, her tongue a branding fire.

Her hands snaked their way up under his shirt and brushed his back, fingers pressing into his spine. Skin slipped over skin until she touched the waistband of his jeans, and for a brief moment, he wondered if he would stop her if she reached for the zipper. Before he could convince himself to behave, he heard the sirens.

The festive atmosphere turned chaotic in seconds. Teenagers bailed out of windows and through the back door, making a run for it as the town's only squad car descended on the house party. Rosalie waved apologetically to Bella as she towed Emmett and Jasper out the back, both too drunk and high to see where they were going. As quickly as the party had started, it was over.

Edward, having parked in the driveway, was trapped.

"This is...less than awesome," he said to no one in particular.

Bella threw herself onto a couch, clearly resigned to her fate.

"You're a nice guy. Maybe he'll go easy on you."

The door swung open and crashed against the wall.

"Dad!" Bella said cheerfully. "You're home early."

As he surveyed the wreckage of his front room, Charlie Swan's eyes settled on the rumpled and glassy-eyed boy who stood guiltily next to the couch.

"Kid, I'm gonna give you to the count of two to get the hell out of here. After that, I'm bringing charges."

Edward didn't need to be told twice. As he ran out the back door—the front-door option canceled out by Chief Swan's formidable frame—he heard the start of what was sure to be a long and ugly argument. From the sounds of it, Bella was in for the grounding of her lifetime.

**Track 5: Come To My Window, Melissa Etheridge**


	6. Come to My Window

Come to My Window

_Nothing fills the blackness_

_That has seeped into my chest_

_I need you in my blood_

_I am forsaking all the rest_

Edward stared at his ceiling, missing Bella more than he thought possible. When she wasn't around, a gaping hole opened in his chest. Such strong feelings probably should have scared a boy of seventeen, but he reveled in them. She had kissed him, had run her hands over his back and chest and tasted his tongue. He wanted nothing more than to do that again and again, but his new love had been grounded for almost three weeks for her last stunt. With Christmas approaching, he'd hoped Charlie would soften the punishment in some kind of festive spirit, but they'd been unlucky so far.

Instead, they exchanged longing looks in the halls and during lunch, with hands brushing hands casually as they passed each other and feet tangling under the table. Their friends weren't aware of the raging fire in his chest every time he saw her. They didn't see the winks and coy smiles she returned. There wasn't any good reason to keep it a secret except the heady excitement and the thrill of possibly getting caught.

But she was grounded again. Or still. Who even knew? Edward just wanted to see her, to kiss her and ease the ache. A glance at the clock told him it was only seven in the evening, but winter stole the daylight and made it seem later. He remembered Bella mentioning that Charlie would be extra busy with pre-Christmas idiocy and wondered if she'd been giving him a hint of some kind.

Without thinking a moment longer, he hopped out of bed and skipped down the steps.

"Going out!" he called in the general direction of the kitchen.

His parents never asked, and he never told. They trusted him to behave. And that was a good thing, since he had every intention of sneaking into Bella's room and kissing her senseless. More, if she'd let him.

The house was dark when he arrived except for her bedroom window, which shone like a homing beacon. A tall tree was situated conveniently, and he wasted no time scaling the lowest branches to tap on the glass.

Bella appeared within a half a second, a huge grin splitting her face. She threw the sash open and reached out to grab him.

"Oh, good. You got my message."

"Message?" he asked, as he stumbled and fell into a heap on the hardwood floor.

"Well, it was a coded message given in front everyone. I hoped you'd decipher it."

"I hoped—"

Her lips stopped his words, pressing against his with heat and force.

"I hoped for this, too," he mumbled before darting his tongue out to taste her.

She grabbed a fistful of his sweatshirt and dragged him toward the bed. Edward's libido kicked into high gear the moment his knees touched the black and white striped bedspread.

Bella kept tugging, pulling him over her until they pressed together from hip to shoulder, legs tangling and hands caressing. Edward thought he might have to crawl into a hole and die of mortification when Bella arched against him and felt the hardness behind his zipper, but she moaned into his mouth and slipped her fingers under the waistband of his jeans instead of pushing him away.

"No, Bella. We can't…"

Satin gripped steel, and suddenly, there were no words. "We shouldn't..."

Oh, but he wanted to. He really wanted to. And the gleam in her eye and smirk on her lips said she did, too. She slipped his shirt over his head and did the same with hers, fighting him as he halfheartedly tried to cover her again. His weak protests stuttered and stalled as she worked his zipper down, and when her pants met his on the floor, the argument died a quick and painless death on his lips.

When he could speak again, when his heart slowed and the pieces of his shattered mind reassembled, he started the search for his clothes.

"I can't believe we did that," he marveled. Bella giggled and gently bit his shoulder. "When can we do it again?"

She was about to answer when the shrill ring of a phone interrupted, and fear speared his heart. Edward knew who called, even if the person on the other end had no idea what had just happened in his daughter's second-floor bedroom.

"Hey, Dad." Bella voice dripped sweetness and light, which probably tipped her father off that something was up. "No. I'm just sitting here. Yes, alone."

Edward yanked his jeans up and scrambled into his sweatshirt but stopped short when Bella reached over and grabbed his hand.

"Stay." She mouthed the word so her father wouldn't hear.

He considered her plea until the next words came from her lips.

"Dad, you don't need to come home. I'm fine. I'm alone. I'm behaving."

By that point, Edward had one leg out the window, searching blindly for the tree limb. Bella hung up with a cry of frustration and rushed to his side.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish you could stay," she whispered breathlessly in between kisses.

A permanent grin took residence on Edward's face, and he slipped his hands up her shirt again. "It's okay. That was… Amazing sounds cheesy, but that's all I've got. We have time, though. We'll never be able to do that again if you keep getting grounded."

Bella pouted and nodded, but then giggled when Edward went for another quick grab.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school," she promised. "But then we have to get creative over Christmas break. Maybe my dad will give me an early present and lift my sentence."

"Better kiss me a few more times, just in case." Edward leaned back through the window, lips seeking hers once more.

She laughed and gave him what he wanted. Edward lifted his hand from the sill to grope her one last time. His sincere delight turned to panic as his foot slipped from the thick branch. Fingers scrabbled at the window for less than a second, but it seemed like forever. Then he toppled out of sight and landed with a spectacular thud.

A groan floated up to meet Bella, followed by, "Oh, shit."

"Are you okay?" Without thinking, she jumped out onto the same branch to look down.

Edward rolled over, grin still in place, but a vicious frown between his brows. He looked ridiculous, and she adored him all the more.

"I think I broke something."

"What?" Bella panicked and climbed down the branches Edward had meant to use. "What did you break?"

"Um, everything?"

Bella dashed back to the front porch and crashed through the door. Without even considering the consequences, her fingers dialed the numbers and her mouth blabbered the words that brought her father squealing into the driveway with sirens wailing.

"It's Edward. I think he's dead. Here in the yard. Under my tree."

She'd no more than stumbled through the explanation than her father was there, calling for her from the front yard. She found Charlie leaning over Edward's still form.

"It all hurts." Edward groaned when Charlie tried to turn him over.

"Jesus, kid. What did you do?"

"Fell."

"No shit." Charlie glanced up, and his lips formed a hard line when he realized exactly where Edward had started his trip toward the ground. "Let's get you to the hospital, son. You better hope you're dying; otherwise, I'm gonna kill you. And you, young lady, are even more grounded, if that's possible."

Edward's father was waiting at the emergency room entrance, wringing his hands and pacing. He relaxed when he saw Edward walking in under his own power. It didn't take him long to determine his son had a broken wrist but nothing more. It also didn't escape his notice that his son hadn't stopped smiling, even without the pain medication. Carlisle was no dummy. The story of a fall from a tree, added to the ridiculous smile on his son's face, multiplied by an anxious Bella, brought him to an answer he'd never before considered.

"Son, I think you're grounded."

**Track 6: Linger, The Cranberries**


	7. Linger

Linger

_I swore, I swore I would be true_

_And honey so did you_

_So why you were you holding her hand_

_Is that the way we stand_

They were running out of dark corners to hide. The spring semester had only been going for two weeks, and already Edward and Bella knew every crack, cranny, and janitor's closet where they would be guaranteed two to ten minutes of uninterrupted bliss.

"Do you think anybody knows something's going on?" Edward panted between ardent kisses.

"Anybody who? Because I think our parental units probably know a little bit too much, if you know what I mean."

She bit his earlobe, and he was torn between shivering in pleasure and being completely turned off by the memory of his mother sitting down with him and explaining how to properly use a condom.

"You know. The guys. Alice."

He was definitely losing steam now. Bringing up his sister had been a mistake.

She groaned in frustration and stopped trying to distract him.

"Does it matter? We're having fun. I like you. You like me." She darted her tongue out and flicked a light line up his neck. "Why do we care what anybody does or doesn't know?"

They were getting uncomfortably close to a topic Edward spent a lot of time thinking about. He wanted Bella to be his girlfriend, wanted it badly, but Bella seemed to shy away from anything that would declare their fledgling relationship official. They fooled around anywhere and everywhere there was an opportunity, and when there wasn't, they talked about whatever came to mind. When she got bored, they'd go on some insane adventure that would inevitably end in one or both of them getting grounded. His parents were worried.

Edward was falling in love.

Bella reached up and smoothed out the wrinkle between his eyes. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't think so hard."

She kissed him again, and when she ran her fingers through his hair, his worries slipped away. His good hand, the one not wrapped in a plaster cast, snuck up her shirt and toward the hooks at the back of her bra, where his fingers expertly flicked the clasps open. He wished he could brag about this newfound one-handed skill, but the only person who would be impressed was Bella, and she already knew.

"How many do we need?"

Someone was coming into the equipment room where they were hiding, and fast. Someone male. Edward's protective instincts took over and he shoved Bella behind him, even as her bra dangled enticingly down one arm.

"Ow!" she yelped.

The lights flickered on, and Jasper rounded the corner. For a second he looked confused and surprised to find two of his friends in the dark, secluded space, and then his eyes lit up like Christmas morning.

"You...and her...and holy crap, B, is that your bra, and oh, my God, _does Alice know_?"

The words sputtered out in a torrent, and Edward couldn't help but laugh. Bella sighed gustily and fixed her bra.

"No," she said sternly. "And you're not gonna tell her."

Edward whipped his head around, fixing her with a piercing stare. She squirmed guiltily.

"It isn't time," she insisted. "You have to keep your mouth shut, Jas. Please?"

Jasper's blue eyes darted between Edward's upset grimace and Bella's pleading stare. He hesitated.

"What do I get out of it?"

Bella gaped. "What do you _get_?"

"Yeah." He crossed his arms. "For keeping quiet. I want compensation."

Edward snorted. "How 'bout a big old bag of screw yous? Come on, Bella, let him talk. Who cares, remember?"

He threw her words back in her face with vehement force, and she had to hold back another wince. She knew she hurt him by keeping her distance, but she also knew that it would hurt less in the long run for things between them to stay casual. She couldn't let him down if she hadn't promised anything.

She tried not to believe that every word, every kiss, every touch was a promise she made to him.

"All the mocking you want," Bella offered. "Whatever you can dish out, but it has to be discreet until we decide to tell people."

"Anything I want?" Jasper pressed. "No holds barred?"

Edward threw up his hands. "I can't believe you're agreeing to this. I just...whatever, Bella."

And for the first time in their young relationship, he walked away first.

Jasper watched him go and then turned back to Bella.

"Well, he just sucked all the fun right out of that, didn't he?"

She rolled her eyes. "He'll get over it."

She turned to follow him out, but stopped when Jasper put a gentle hand on her arm.

"Don't mess with the bull unless you want the horns, B. Just some friendly advice."

"Whatever, Vernon." She left without looking back.

She couldn't stop thinking about him for the rest of the afternoon, partly because it seemed that everywhere she went, someone was talking about him. She couldn't escape.

Not in English class, where Mr. Berty mentioned Edward's offer to play piano for the spring musical.

_Skipping that one_, she thought.

Not in Spanish class, where his name stared at her from a list of students who were signed up to get more information on a two week cultural exchange to Mexico the following summer.

Not in world history, where the baseball coach-slash-teacher went on and on about Edward's skill on the diamond instead of discussing the Ming dynasty.

_Baseball. Yawn._

The universe taunted her, refusing to let her forget the perfect way he made her feel, and how he made her want to stop all the bullshit messing around and figure out how to just be Bella, so they could just be Bella and Edward, together.

She blamed the universe for what happened in the lunchroom that afternoon.

She was minding her own business, just trying to get a piece of pizza and a can of diet Coke, when Jessica Stanley had the gall to start swooning over Edward right there in line.

Jessica and her best friend, Lauren Mallory, were just ahead of Bella, and they weren't bothering to keep their conversation private.

"I'm telling you, Edward Cullen is looking fine. Like a super hot Brandon Walsh." Jessica's piercing giggle worked Bella's last nerve. "He looks like he'd show a girl a good time and then some. I bet he's packing a monster in those acid-washed jeans."

"He's been single for a long time." Lauren flashed her friend a wicked grin. "You know, I bet that kind of dry spell makes a guy a little...anxious."

"I bet that's how he hurt his wrist!"

The girls laughed as, behind them, Bella simmered.

Jessica fluffed her hair and adjusted her denim jumper. "I think I'm gonna go over there."

"You go, girl!" Lauren called.

Bella forced herself to stand her ground as she watched Jessica strut across the cafeteria. She shook with rage as her rival tossed her curls and pushed out her chest. She nearly contained herself, but then Jessica made a fatal error.

She touched him. She actually reached out and put her hand over his.

"All right, Stanley, step off!"

Bella barged out of line and stormed through the cafeteria, ignoring the stunned, uplifted faces of her classmates.

"Bella, what—"

"Get your skanky hands off of him!"

Edward's eyes were wide as saucers, and his stunned gaze darted between the girls, like he couldn't decide where to look first. Bella was radiant in her fury, but Jessica appeared hilariously stupefied.

"Excuse me?" Jessica recovered somewhat, and she crossed her arms and glared at Bella. "Last time I checked, it's a free country."

"Bella," Edward said calmly, "She wasn't—"

"Shut up, Edward," Bella spat. "I'm talking to the whore."

"Oh, bitch, you did not just call me that."

"You did not just call me bitch, bitch."

There was a small crowd gathering now. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett pushed their way to the front.

"Something going on, Bella?"

Rosalie stared down her nose at Jessica, giving the girl a look of pure disdain.

"This isn't your fight, Rose. Thanks, though."

Rosalie shrugged and backed up.

"I still don't know what your problem is!" Jessica said. "I was just talking to him. You're not his girlfriend. He can talk to whoever he wants."

_Not his girlfriend._

The words echoed around Bella's brain and then something snapped. She screeched, a horrifying, blood-curdling sound, and threw herself across the circle of gathered teens, where she grabbed Jessica's mounds of curly, teased tresses and pulled as hard as she could.

She only let go when she came away with a fistful of hair, stiff with hairspray. She threw the hair to the ground, spit on it, and then stomped on it with one heavy, booted foot. Rosalie choked back an admiring snort.

Infuriated, Jessica launched a counterattack, long nails going for blood. The students were shouting, and people started to take sides. When Bella slugged Jessica in the stomach, cheers erupted.

Edward watched in stunned disbelief. One minute, he had been completely engrossed in the sheet music for _Oklahoma!_ and his peanut butter sandwich, and then Jessica Stanley was shoving her boobs in his face. The next thing he knew, there was Bella, terrifying and beautiful and kicking the shit out of the competition.

Emmett skirted the fight and stopped right beside Edward.

"Someone should stop them," he commented, watching as Jessica grabbed onto the neck of Bella's crop top and pulled.

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't know you inspired this kind of devotion in the female student body, dude."

"Me, neither."

"All righty, then."

Jessica gave up and collapsed on the ground at Bella's feet, sobbing and holding another clump of matted brown curls.

Bella was a mess, but she was a victorious mess. Her tangled hair was still intact and attached to her head, although Jessica had managed to gnarl it some. From her scuffed Doc Martens to her ripped tights and Catholic schoolgirl skirt, Edward had never found her more attractive.

Emmett reached down and helped Jessica to her feet, ignoring his girlfriend's scoffs.

"Come on, Jess. Let's get you cleaned up."

Bella sat down next to Edward with a loud sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder as the crowd dispersed.

"I'm an idiot," she said.

"I know."

"Forgive me?"

He looked down into her eyes and all he could see was warmth and hope.

"I don't know," he said slowly. "That was a pretty emasculating display out there. Do you have any idea what it's like to have two girls duke it out over you in the middle of the lunchroom?"

"That depends," she deadpanned. "Are the girls covered in Jello and/or mud?"

"Neither."

"I'm gonna answer your question with another question." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Do you know what its like to be kissed senseless by your girlfriend who just beat the shit out of some tart and won you like the prize you are?"

He grinned. "I don't."

"Well, then, let me educate you." She leaned forward and kissed him resoundingly, not bothering to be the least bit discreet. The lunch ladies were staring by the time they pulled away for air.

"Wow."

Alice gaped in open-mouthed shock, but Rosalie just laughed.

"I knew it. Emmett owes me ten bucks."

An announcement over the loudspeaker crashed right into their collective high.

_Isabella Swan, please report to the principal's office immediately. Isabella Swan to the principal's office._

Edward kissed her one more time before she stood up.

"Gotta go face the music," she sighed. Her eyes fell on a stray clump of hair, and she flinched. "I actually kind of deserve what I get for this one."

She hadn't been gone for two minutes when Jasper arrived on the scene, breathless and gasping for air.

"Heard...fight...Bella...Edward," he wheezed.

Alice squealed. "Bella and Edward are dating!"

Jasper collapsed in a heap in the chair next to her and glowered at his friend. "Seriously, dude? I couldn't even get one joke in first?"

**Track 7: Hero, Mariah Carey**


	8. Hero

Hero

_So when you feel like hope is gone_

_Look inside you and be strong_

_And you'll finally see the truth_

_That a hero lies in you_

"Whose idiot idea was it to come out here in February?" Emmett glanced around the group menacingly.

All eyes turned to Bella, who adopted an innocent expression.

"What? The sun is shining. What more do you want?"

"To not see my breath," Alice grumbled.

"Oh, please. It's not like I'm asking you to go swimming or anything." Her eyes twinkled dangerously as she stared toward the sparkling water on the horizon. "But maybe we—"

"No." Everyone answered in unison.

Bella's expression crumpled for a minute, but her smile came back brighter than ever. "Whatever. It's gorgeous. I'm here with you guys..."

She reached out and grasped Edward's hand. He suddenly rethought his earlier stance on swimming in the ice-cold Pacific. If she asked again, he'd probably take the plunge. His level of devotion to his girlfriend bordered on unhealthy, unless his parents were asked, in which case there was no "border" about it.

"We'll come back in the summer," he whispered, knowing it was a weak offering for a girl who thrived on crazy. When she pressed a kiss to his full and surprised lips, he basked in her approval.

"Let's eat so we can use the blankets as a cover instead of a tablecloth." Alice shivered and eyed the quilts covetously.

Jasper pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll keep you warm, baby."

The group groaned, and Edward bit his tongue to stanch a flow of words that held a similar sentiment. The last thing he wanted was to be suffocating as well as sickly sweet. Bella, as if sensing the sacrifice her boyfriend had just made, crawled across the few inches that separated them and settled into his lap. He got what he wanted and needed without saying a word.

The food was eaten quickly amidst teasing banter, but Bella grew restless after an hour of nothing but talk. Edward watched as she eyed the water again, and then followed her gaze to the cliffs in the distance.

"Dad says the Quileutes jump from those cliffs. It's kind of a rite of passage," Bella said casually.

"Don't even think about it, Bella Swan." Alice scrambled to her feet and planted tiny fists on her hips. "Never mind the fact that water's colder than Jessica Stanley's black heart. That won't matter, because you'd never survive the fall."

The gleam in Bella's eyes morphed into a raging fire. The challenge had been issued and accepted. Without another word, she slipped from Edward's embrace and darted toward the trees in the direction of the highest cliff.

"She won't do it." Emmett didn't sound very confident. "Once she gets up there and looks down, she won't be able—"

His words were drowned by a war whoop ripped from Bella's throat. She waved merrily at the group from the distant cliff and mimed falling over the edge. Edward was on his feet in less than a second, primed and ready to... He wasn't sure what he was ready to do. For all he knew, Bella was a champion diver and swimmer and his worry was ludicrous.

"She won't do it," Emmett said again, but he sounded much less sure.

A collective gasp sounded as Bella took a running start and hurled herself from the cliff. Hours passed in Edward's life as she hovered between sky and water, and he sagged to the ground when she crashed to the surface with a splash.

"I can't believe she just did that." Emmett shook his head and muttered more unintelligible words.

"Bitch is crazy." Rosalie sounded jealous rather than concerned. That tone changed with her next words. "Where is she? She should have come up by now."

Edward didn't waste another second. He zipped past the first line of trees, crashing through the forest on the way to the cliff from which Bella had leapt and running as fast as he could. When the edge came into view, the sight of earth falling away didn't slow him. As his friends watched, he flung himself into thin air, flapped his arms in a panic, and then surrendered to the freefall. Not a sound was heard as they all waited for him to surface, and then a collective breath was released when his head broke through the water.

Bella was nowhere to be seen. Edward tread water in a tight circle, his eyes seeking anything that would give a hint to her location. His fear and anger were so consuming that he didn't feel the biting cold of the Pacific. His blood rushed even warmer when he caught sight of her red sweater floating near the cliff face.

Within moments, he hooked her under the arms and dragged her back to shore. No one knew how many minutes had passed, but Edward hoped it hadn't been too long. Instincts born of years of training and admonishment from his physician father that he know CPR kicked in, and he flipped her onto her back without thinking. His mind was numb as he went through the motions, and he had no thought other than what would happen if he didn't succeed. The scared shrieks and murmurs of his friends were dulled by fear, but they pierced through his haze the moment Bella coughed up water and took her first breath.

"Mother _effer_," Alice yelled. "How stupid are you?"

"Holy shit," Edward breathed. The muscles in his arms and legs turned to jelly, and he collapsed on the ground next to her, shivering uncontrollably. His teeth began to chatter. "Don't you ever do that to me again. Ever."

Tears sprung forth and tumbled over his lashes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, but the thought of losing her, of saying goodbye, demolished his pride. With shuddering breaths, he dragged her to him and covered her fully, pressing kisses to every inch of her face while trying to warm her with his body heat.

"No more crazy, Bella. Please. I can't take it. I love you too much to watch you put yourself at risk like that."

Her brown eyes popped open in shock, and she stared at him in wonder. "You love me?"

"So much, baby. So much."

Their friends beat a retreat to give them some privacy, at least until Bella was stable enough to take to the hospital. Rosalie berated Alice as they walked.

"If you're going to swear, Alice, do it right. Repeat after me: Mother. Fucker."

Bella and Edward both struggled not to ruin the solemn moment with laughter. As Emmett's hesitant steps faded from earshot, she grinned and kissed Edward's trembling lips.

"I love you, too."

**Track 8: Said I Loved You (But I Lied), Michael Bolton**


	9. Said I Loved You (But I Lied)

Said I Loved You (But I Lied)

_Said I loved you but I lied_

_With all my soul I've tried in vain_

_How can mere words my heart explain_

_This taste of heaven so deep so true_

_I've found in you_

_So many reasons in so many ways_

_My life has just begun_

For Edward, February and March passed in a blur of happy days, long conversations, and blissful freedom from parental control. Charlie had lifted most of his rules after Bella's cliff diving experiment. Although he didn't know the details, Edward was under the impression that they had a real heart to heart in the hospital that day. Ever since then, Bella had been a changed person. She was responsible, she paid attention in class and got good grades on her assignments. She wasn't as reckless, and when he saw the crazy gleam in her eyes, it was usually followed by a mild suggestion—a walk in the woods, a drive to Port Angeles, or, more often than not, decidedly less PG activities.

He was in heaven.

And Bella...well, she wasn't unhappy. Being released from perpetual grounding had given her so much time to spend with Edward and her friends, which was amazing. For a while. She had the freedom to do whatever she wanted. Within reason. Her boyfriend loved her. He told her so frequently. And her friends seemed almost relieved that her near death experience had tamed her wild spirit.

The trouble was, she hadn't been tamed. She had been caged. At least, that was how she felt. Edward's blissful _I love you'_s only seemed to tighten a noose around her neck. She wanted to scream, _You don't love me, not really_. How could he? He loved shadow-Bella, the girl who didn't do scary things anymore and played by the rules. She found it harder to answer him when he looked at her with those wide, green eyes and said, "I love you."

She was suffocating.

She was trying to figure out how to wiggle her way out from his arms one Friday night in early April. Carlisle and Esme were at dinner with colleagues of his, and Alice was out with Jasper. They had every opportunity to do something crazy. Instead, they stayed in.

Her eyes bounced around the room, taking in the details of Edward's healthy, well-adjusted life. A leatherbound notebook sat on his desk, with a half-chewed Bic pen wedged between the pages, marking his spot. Sheet music for the spring musical crinkled under them as they lay across the bed, and she wrinkled her nose in distaste. In the closet, she could see a baseball uniform for the Forks High varsity team, and his walls were covered in movie posters and pictures of friends and family. It was the height of normalcy, all school spirit and and teen boy. The teen boy she could get excited about, but baseball bored her to tears.

And then she saw the pile of college brochures. She didn't know why she hadn't seen them there before. They had obviously been sitting on the floor next to his door for quite some time. A sock draped precariously over the top of one, and the pile had tipped over at one point, overflowing through his open closet door.

She leaned up and nodded toward the brochures.

"Are you looking at colleges already?" An edge of panic colored her voice.

He shrugged and kissed her bare shoulder, running his fingertips down her spine. He had grown incredibly comfortable with her. Just a few months had wrought an amazing change on the shy, unsure boy she first met.

"Dad stuck those in here around Christmas. I think they're left over from Alice. She's going to Dartmouth next fall, you know."

He pulled her back against his chest and dragged his nose along the length of her neck, already bored with the conversation. But Bella would not be deterred.

"Dartmouth is pretty far away. Isn't that in, like, New York or something?"

Edward sighed and let her go. She sat up again and turned to face him.

"It's in New Hampshire. We all went out there last year before she applied. Pretty cool campus, actually. Very Ivy League."

"Well, what about you?"

"What about me?"

She stared at the brochures. "You're obviously college-bound. Where do you want to go?"

"I haven't given it much thought. There's plenty of time to think about it this summer. Actually, I hoped we could talk about it. Together."

"I'm not going to college, Edward." She pulled away entirely, stood up, and started searching for her underwear.

He stared at her blankly. One minute, they had been having a perfectly nice cuddle. They were warm and comfortable and talking about normal things. The next, she put on her Ice Queen display, an attitude that she gave him quite a lot of these days.

"What?"

"I'm not going to college. It isn't my thing, okay? I'm just not cut out for it."

She pulled her ever-present flannel shirt on over her head and stepped into her Docs. "I have to get going. Thanks for...everything."

As she went for the door, he scrambled to stop her. "Where are you going?"

When he grabbed her arm, she pulled away like he'd burned her. "I told my dad I'd be home for dinner."

She obviously lied, but he accepted it with a skeptical nod. "Okay. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Dad is taking me fishing."

The words seemed to take even Bella by surprise.

"Fi-fishing?" Edward stuttered.

"Yes." She sounded more sure of herself. "We're spending some quality father-daughter time together."

The next day, her father stared at her with disbelief. Needless to say, the idea that his hellraising daughter was suddenly interested in spending her Saturday in a small boat with her dad immediately made him suspicious.

"Everything okay with that Cullen kid?"

Edward was still on her father's list, but Bella knew saving the life of Charlie's only child entitled him to some brownie points. Charlie had tried to stop glowering every time her boyfriend showed his clean-cut, good-looking face around the house. He nearly succeeded, too. Nearly.

"Fine. Whatever." Bella dug through the closet where the fishing gear was stored in not-so-quiet desperation. "I don't know why this is such a big deal. Where are those galoshes you bought me?"

He wrinkled his nose. "You mean when you were nine?"

She flopped on the floor, legs crossed and arms flung back to catch her fall. "Shit. I hate fishing."

"Why don't you just come out to La Push with me?" Charlie sounded charmed in spite of his skepticism. "Me and Billy will go out on the water for the morning and you can hang with Jake. You remember Jake, right?"

Bella exhaled loudly, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Little dude. Liked mud pies."

Her dad laughed. "Not so little anymore."

Jake Black was taller than Emmett, and only fifteen years old. Bella liked him well enough. He was rough and tumble and clearly in love with the workshop where he took her to show off the Volkswagen Rabbit he was restoring. He certainly didn't have any interest in talking about college or the future, which suited Bella just fine. And then, he uncovered the real treasure.

Motorcycles. Two of them, in okay condition from the looks of things. One was shiny and red, and the other one gleamed a dull, metallic black under the flourescent lights.

Jake was mid-rapture over the transmission system in the Rabbit when she interrupted him.

"Do these things run?"

"The bikes?" Jake asked, nonplussed.

"No, genius, the other motorcycles you just happen to have in your garage."

"I don't know." He scratched his head. "I've been kind of wrapped up in my Rabbit. Quil dropped those off a couple weeks ago, and I said I'd take a look. Just haven't gotten around to it yet."

She grinned wickedly. "Let's try 'em out."

It was the most fun she had had in weeks. The wind whipped through her hair as she allowed herself to fly through along the coast, skimming down the road like a gull over the waves. They stopped to rest near the cliffs, just a few yards from the place she had made her daring leap.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Jake asked frankly, eyeing the spot with trepidation.

"No!" She gawked at him. "Why would you even ask that? And how do you know anything about it?"

"It's a small town, Bella." He looked her up and down. "You're little enough that you probably got some good air. But only a crazy person would jump from _this_ cliff. Those rocks below could kill you, no problem."

She watched the waves crash against the cliff face and shivered. It occurred to her how fragile her life really was.

"My dad told me the guys on the rez jump off this cliff as a rite of passage."

"We jump off _that_ cliff, moron." He pointed to a spot a good deal farther off down the coastline. The cliff face he pointed at was sheer, but the water below was free of rocks. "The point of a rite of passage is to live to see the rest of your life."

Bella's veins filled with ice. She couldn't stop shivering. Edward had also thrown himself off that cliff with love and fear in his heart, but only to save her. She didn't have a death wish, and she never, ever wanted Edward to risk his life for her. All she'd ever really wanted was to feel something besides anger at her parents for shuffling her back and forth between them. Edward had finally given her that-a rush greater than any cliff dive tempered with sweetness and devotion. All she'd given him was a near-death experience.

If they stayed together, she was sure she'd kill him. The harder she tried to be good, the more she wanted to be bad.

"I want to go home."

"What about your dad?"

"Tell him I didn't feel good. Can I ride behind you?"

Clinging to Jake's enormous back all the way back to Forks gave her some comfort. He radiated warmth, and the heat from his body sank through her thin jacket and made the wind less biting.

The cold returned when they pulled into her driveway. Edward sat on the front stoop, head in his hands. Disapproval flashed in his eyes at the sight of Bella on a motorcycle behind a boy twice his size.

She didn't want to see that rebuke, but it would always be there if they kept dating. His irritation would lead to her act crazy, which would then lead to him risking his life or reputation to bail her out again and again. Bella saw the chain of events as they would unfold, and decided to weaken the first link.

"Thanks, Jake."

To piss Edward off, she kissed his cheek.

The younger boy touched his face in bemusement. "See ya."

As he roared away, Edward stood and started toward her, fists clenched at his sides. She crossed her arms against the chill.

"Don't, Edward."

"Don't?" he sputtered. "Don't what? Ask who the professional football player was? Comment on how completely unsafe motorcycles are?"

"Jake is fifteen. He's a stupid kid."

She'd soothed his ego, so he changed course and adopted a concerned tone. "Do you know what my dad calls people who ride motorcycles, Bella? Organ donors."

"I really don't want to hear this from you right now." She tried to push past him, but he stopped her with an extended arm. Her fragile control was breaking, but he was too upset to see.

"Is this about the college thing? I don't care about that, okay? I thought we were past all this stuff, Bella."

"No, it's not about that. This is about me wanting to be bad while you're Mr. Perfect. I can't do it anymore. You're driving me crazy."

"Driving you crazy? I thought you loved me!"

He hurled her feelings at her like a weapon, and the betrayal in his voice was too much.

"I lied!"

The words echoed in his ears. He stopped dead in his tracks. "What?"

"I lied." Her voice was robotic, void of all feeling. "I don't love you, Edward. This was fun, but now it isn't. I'm done."

Her eyes and throat began to burn, and she was only seconds away from losing all control and spoiling the deception.

He didn't know her at all. She was dangerous, and sooner or later, whether she meant to or not, she would damage him beyond repair. It was better this way.

"Please go."

She walked inside and shut the door with a resounding click. When the tears came, they didn't stop for hours.

**Track 9: Loser, Beck**


	10. Loser

Loser

_(Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?) _

_(I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it.)_

_Edward,_

_I wish it didn't happen the way it did, but we can't go back now. The truth is we're just not right for each other. You're so good, and I'm so...not. I can't live like I was, like I'm in a cage and always worried about what you're going to say or think. It's hard enough with my dad watching my every move, you know? This is why I can't love you. Why I don't. This is why I don't miss you. Not even a little bit. It would probably make things easier on you if you stopped staring at me in the halls, too. But do what you want._

_Bella_

With a growl, she crumpled the page and shoved it into the top of her boot. To drop it in the trash can would invite trouble. Anyone could find it. In a pocket, Charlie could find it. By the end of the day, four crumpled slips of paper took up residence in her shoes. She burned them in an ashtray that hadn't seen a cigarette butt in months. The smell made her crave nicotine for the first time in ages, but not enough for her to crawl out of bed to go find some.

_Dear Bella,_

_This hurts so bad. I feel like the biggest pussy on the face of the planet because I just can't get you out of my mind. I think maybe I was suffocating you. I can see that now. It's really hard to see you in the halls. I sometimes think you're just pretending not to look at me, too, but I know that's not true. I guess you've made it pretty clear how you feel, but I just had to let you know I miss you. I miss you so much, and I won't stop loving you, no matter how much you hate me. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I promise, if you come back, things would be different. Please, Bella_

"Are you writing her a note?" Alice hissed across the aisle and reached for Edward's notebook. "She doesn't deserve it."

"Shut up, Alice." He closed his book and sat in silence through the rest of the class.

Edward didn't care what anyone thought, not even his sister. He and Bella had a special connection, and no one could take that away. Even Bella had to admit they were made for each other. He balanced her crazy with his calm. Without her, he was a totally different person. The only problem was, she didn't seem to feel incomplete without him.

_Dear Edward_

_Maybe it's not as easy to pretend this never happened as I thought it would be. I'm sitting here in Home Ec, thinking about embroidering curse words on my pillow. The first thing I thought was how you'd probably roll your eyes and act offended, but that's not really what I remember. I remember you were actually a little crazy, too. I had this idea you weren't fun or cool, but you really are. I kind of understand now that it was just the dangerous things, and to be honest_

Bella crumpled yet another note and sighed. She didn't really know what honest was. Honest was how much she missed kissing him, but it was more than that. She missed the way his eyes lit up when he saw her in the halls. She missed the way he shuddered with pleasure when she just touched his hand. She missed the way he would join right in with whatever stunt she had planned, how he'd shown up first for her party and with stolen vodka, how he'd climbed into her bedroom when she was grounded, even though he stood a good chance of being shot. Edward had been so much more than fun, and she'd destroyed that with a few harsh words. The worst words of all.

_Bella_

_Fine. I get it. You're over it. I know I won't ever be, but I'll try to leave you alone. I'm sorry Alice and Rosalie are being mean, but I guess that's just how girls are. I'll tell them to lay off. It's not your fault you don't love me anymore. Or never did. Who really knows? We had so much fun together, and I know I'll always remember that. I wish you'd give me another chance. I'd try to be what you need me to be. I could shut up if you wanted to ride a motorcycle or jump off a cliff or play Russian roulette or whatever. It would kill me to watch you hurt yourself, but I'd do it just to call you mine again. But I'll_

Finishing the note seemed pointless. None of the other letters had been delivered, and none ever would. She'd made up her mind, and her actions in school proved it. Three weeks had passed since she'd dumped him, and Bella already acted like nothing ever happened. His friends stuck by him, which was gratifying in a way, but he wondered how Bella was doing without a support system. Every time he had the thought, he pushed it away. Obviously, she was doing fine.

_Edward,_

_Oh, God, what have I done? I can't stop thinking about you. I dream about you, and that's where I tell you what I should have said in the first place. You're right. We're meant for each other. We're the perfect balance of crazy and responsible. I could keep you loose while you kept me sane. What the hell was I thinking letting you go? Please, please, please give me another chance, baby. I can't live like this anymore. I want to run through the halls and jump you whenever I see you, not pretend you don't exist. You have to know I'm doing it so my heart doesn't completely shatter, but it shatters anyway. Every time. I love you so much, Edward. Please. If you feel even remotely as much as I do, meet me at the football stadium after school. We'll talk. We'll figure this out. _

Bella actually signed her name with every intention of handing the note to someone who would get it to Edward. She didn't think she had the nerve to do it herself. The girl who jumped off cliffs was scared. Instead, she tucked it into her chemistry book and took off for the bathroom. If she waited until everyone had cleared the halls, there was a chance she could slip it into Edward's locker without anyone seeing.

But that never happened. Instead, she was caught and reprimanded for tardiness, and the letter languished between the pages of a book she didn't read nearly enough.

_Bella,_

_It's been a month, and while I don't think I'll ever be fully over you, I'm ready to try. I'm the first to admit no one will ever compare, but I can stumble through and pretend until I like someone enough to make it work. I guess what I'm saying is goodbye. I know we'll still see each other in the hall, but I'll stop staring. I'll tell Rose and Alice to leave you alone and let Emmett know I'm not mad he stayed your friend, too. Jasper, hell, he'll do whatever he wants no matter what I say. Good luck there._

_Before I say goodbye forever, I need you to know I never wanted to change you. I loved you for your crazy antics, your kisses, our trips to the janitor's closet, and how you made me feel cool. I was never really cool before you. I loved you for teaching us how to have fun in this dumb little town, for cuddling with me under the blankets at the football games, and for kicking Jessica Stanley's ass over me. Hell, I even loved you for knocking down the school sign the first time I saw you. You are amazing, and I hope you stay that way. I just wanted you safe. That's all. But now you can go on and do whatever you want to do, throw yourself off a cliff or get in a motorcycle wreck or whatever. I can't say anything else. I won't. _

_Be happy._

_Edward_

Edward should have stuffed his notes into his shoes, as Bella did. If he had, his goodbye note wouldn't have gone into the trashcan where anyone—like Alice—could find it. But Alice did find it, and she agreed with every word. She agreed so fully she thought someone else needed to see it.

"You're an idiot."

Bella turned in surprise at the sound of Alice's voice, but she didn't argue. Instead, her shoulders dropped, and she nodded in agreement.

"I know. I want to fix it."

"You're too late, and I'm glad." Alice's fingers trembled as she dug the purloined note from her bag.

She'd never done something so wrong before. Alice was a good girl who obeyed her parents, drove the speed limit, and never cursed. Bella had introduced Alice to rule-breaking and walking the fine line of danger, and the rush had been addictive. Alice missed the thrill, but she was glad to be the good girl once more. The irony that she'd voluntarily stolen something from her brother—had done something pretty badass in her own right in an effort to cut Bella out completely-was not lost on her.

"You could have had both, you know. You could have been the little hellion and kept my brother. All you had to do was, you know, not kill yourself. Or him. But it was never enough for you, was it? You'll never find anyone like Edward ever again, and if you do, you'll push that guy away, too, with your stupid death wishes."

Alice didn't know where the courage came from. Her jaw locked with fear, her heart raced and thumped painfully, sweat prickled her scalp, and yet she couldn't stop the flow of acid from her mouth. She'd never felt so free, so alive, and so ridiculously scared. But Edward had always stood in front of her whenever a threat appeared, and it was her turn to return the favor.

"Maybe if you ever figure out what the hell's wrong with you that you want to throw yourself off cliffs or whatever every time you turn around, we can all be friends again. I don't know. All I know is I'm glad you're not taking us down with you."

Bella stared at the note Alice had shoved in her hands, unsure if she wanted to know what he'd written. Alice had said it was over. That she was too late. There was only one way to find out. She read.

And then cried harder than she'd ever cried in her life.

**Track 10: Crazy, Aerosmith**


	11. Crazy

Crazy

_You're packin' up your stuff,_

_And talkin' like it's tough_

_And tryin' to tell me that it's time to go. Yeah!_

_But, I know you ain't wearin' nothin' underneath that over coat._

_And it's all a show. Yeah!_

After her tears dried, Bella spent days reading and re-reading Edward's goodbye. Alice's harsh words reverberated in her ears, and she couldn't concentrate on anything else. In a way, she was proud of the pluck Alice displayed in confronting her. It seemed she had influenced more than just Edward. No way meek little Alice would have ever said those things in September.

Alice was right about a lot of things, but she was dead wrong about one.

It wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

Seeing his resignation on paper stoked a fire in Bella. She would win him back if she had to grovel in the mud in front of the whole school. But she needed a little help.

Getting Emmett alone was a challenge, because she was Public Enemy Number One as far as Rosalie was concerned. Bella appreciated her loyalty but was eternally grateful that Mrs. McCarty had raised her son to look at the world in a decidedly less black and white fashion. Emmett never stopped being kind, even when all of his friends turned against her. Without Emmett's friendly smile, Bella didn't think she would have made it through those first devastating weeks.

She finally tracked him down at his after-school job manning the soda counter at the 1950's themed diner on Main Street. His huge frame was stuffed into a disarmingly adorable soda jerk uniform, and Bella understood why Rosalie often spent hours just sitting at the counter and staring.

He greeted her with his customary smile. "Hey, B. Strawberry shake?"

She shut him down with a determined stare. "I'm here on business, Emmett."

He paused when he saw how serious she was.

"I need your help."

"Help, I've got," he said immediately. He set down the glass he was drying and dropped his elbows to the counter. "Anything you need in particular?"

"Yeah. I need Edward. I need him like I need air, Em."

He cracked a smile and opened his mouth, but she raised her hand, heat flooding her cheeks.

"I'm not kidding, okay? I'm a stupid teenage girl, and I do stupid shit, and I ruined everything. But I need him. And I need your help to show him that."

The plan was put into action the following weekend. A single display would never be enough to convince Edward she was serious, and so Operation Woo Edward had several stages. The final stage, which would be unveiled on Monday afternoon, required a little extra assistance. For that, Emmett convinced Jasper to lend a hand. Jasper wasn't thrilled about helping the girl who had so completely destroyed his best friend's heart, but when he heard what they planned to do, the rebel in him couldn't help but say yes.

The plan began on Friday night, at opening night of _Oklahoma!_ Bella showed up early to make sure she got a good seat. She chose a spot overlooking the orchestra pit where Edward would man the piano. She half hoped he would see her before the lights went down and the overture began, but as he filed out with the rest of the pit, he was singularly focused on the music in front of him.

He looked wan and a little thinner, although the dark circles under his eyes had faded somewhat. She hoped he was sleeping, but if her own experience was anything to go by, he wasn't. Then again, Edward had evidently made his peace with their break-up. Perhaps that helped him rest easier.

A small blonde girl that Bella had noticed near the music room some days tuned her violin near the piano. Edward said something, and she laughed loudly. He cracked a smile. Not the smile he saved for Bella, but still something warm and more than friendly. Bella fought the urge to flee. Even if he decided not to forgive her, she had to go through with the plan. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't.

She sat on the edge of her seat through the entire musical, although not because of the plot. She struggled to look away from the dim pit where Edward led the orchestra on piano. Even though she couldn't see him, knowing he was so close was enough to distract her. When the lights went up for the final curtain call, she shivered in anticipation.

From under her seat, she pulled a bouquet of red roses. As everyone streamed out of the auditorium toward the hallway where the actors waited, Bella hesitantly made her way to the front of the stage. Edward was joking around with the drummer as she approached. She cleared her throat, and he looked up from his music. His smile quickly faded.

"Uh." Her words were gone. They had been avoiding each other for over a month, and suddenly he was so close, staring in open-mouthed shock.

"Nice job."

She pulled the roses from behind her back and offered them to him. The drummer quietly packed his kit and walked away, sensing the moment wasn't to be interrupted.

Edward took the offered flowers slowly, like they were a ticking time bomb. "Thanks?"

"You were really good." Why did her words sound so awkward and stilted? "I enjoyed it."

He quirked an eyebrow and frowned. "Really? Because I could have sworn that musicals weren't your thing."

"They aren't," she said truthfully. "But I wanted to see you perform. You were amazing, Edward. I'm really...I'm really proud of you."

A pleased smile crept over his face, but his eyes stayed distant.

"I wanted to let you know that all those times you thought maybe I wasn't listening or didn't care...well, I did." She stared at the roses in his hands, trying to stick to the script.

"Thanks." His words held no question that time.

She looked up to check his eyes and found them warmer than before. From so close, she could almost pick out the black and gold flecks that stood out from the green of his irises. She could stare at those eyes for hours.

Instead, she reached out and briefly hugged him. Her familiar scent washed over Edward, and he closed his eyes and inhaled. Bella showing up at the musical was weird and confusing, especially given his recent decision to stay as far away from her as possible. Despite the firmness of that decision, he couldn't help but waver a little bit as her warmth and perfume surrounded him. She let go too soon.

"Okay," she breathed. "Well, I'll be seeing you."

With those curious words, she fled the auditorium.

The next morning was the annual Forks High School baseball game against their regional rivals, Port Angeles High, which always drew a big crowd to the high school. Edward usually felt some anxiety before the game, despite the fact that he had been on the varsity team since he was a freshman. The rush of the crowd, so often absent from the stands, was enough to kick the butterflies in his stomach into high gear.

He scanned the seats, half expecting to see Bella skulking at the edge of the bleachers. Her hug and promise to see him had kept him up half the night. In the morning, exhausted from a terrible night's sleep, he scolded himself in the mirror. They were over, and one overture of friendship didn't change that.

Emmett clapped him on the back, startling him out of his thoughts. "You doing okay, dude? You look rough."

Edward shrugged uncomfortably. He and Emmett had talked about his break-up once or twice, but he couldn't bring himself to really open up about how much Bella had hurt him. After all, Emmett and Rosalie broke up once or twice a year, and it never seemed to phase Emmett. Then again, Emmett could say with some confidence that once things blew over, Rosalie would be back. Bella just stayed gone.

"All right," Emmett said. "Just keep your head in the game."

He saw her for the first time during the seventh inning stretch. He wasn't sure how long Bella had been there, but from the looks of things she had spent quite a lot of time getting ready for the game. She was decked out from head to toe in navy and gold, her cheeks painted with his number, seventeen. Each hand sported a foam finger, which must have been relics of some bygone game Chief Swan had attended. Her long hair was plaited in two tails, and each braid had a brightly colored ribbon running through it. The display of school spirit was stunning, especially from a girl who once loudly declared that organized sports were pointless and boring.

"Go Spartans!" she yelled, her hoarse voice evidence that she had been cheering for some time.

Emmett caught him staring and grinned. "Quite an outfit, huh?"

All Edward could do was shake his head in astonishment. "Yeah."

For the rest of the game, he was acutely aware of her. Every time he did something particularly impressive, hers was the only voice he could pick out from the roar of the crowd. He wasn't sure if she was trying to get in good with their friends or mess with his head, but he didn't dare hope for the alternative. She couldn't possibly want him back. Not after everything that had happened. She waved at him from the stands after they won the game, beaming from ear to ear. He wished she would have come to say hello, but apparently she had plans, because she disappeared not long afterward.

He didn't sleep at all on Sunday night. He gave up trying at around four a.m. When his mom came downstairs at six, she found him sitting at the breakfast table staring out into the forest that bordered their property, a giant mug of coffee in hand.

"That stuff stunts your growth." She ruffled his hair.

He looked up at her with weary eyes, and she sighed.

"Another bad night?"

He grunted.

"That girl again?"

His mom still couldn't bring herself to mention Bella by name. She'd expressed hope that her son would come out of his first big romance unscathed, but so far, she was dreadfully disappointed. Before Bella's appearance at the musical and baseball game, he'd felt like he was in the home stretch. He was back to brooding, and his mom didn't hide her worry.

He nodded and took a big swig of coffee. "I have this weird feeling, Mom. You ever get those?"

She sat down next to him and followed his gaze out into the trees. "All the time. What's your feeling about?"

"Something big is going to happen. I don't know if it's a good something or a bad something, but it's coming."

His mother leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I hope it's good."

"Me, too."

In fifth period, he got his answer. Mrs. Goff was grilling Eric Yorkie about their assigned reading from Don Quixote when the intercom emitted a shrill squeak. Everyone jumped.

"Yes!" Emmett whispered.

Edward stared at his friend. "What's going on?"

"Sorry for the interruption."

Bella's voice was loud and crystal clear, even though it sounded like she was breathing hard.

"I just wanted to say that Edward, there's a message for you waiting at the football field. You may want to get up on top of the stands in order to see it. Yeah. Okay. Bye."

The entire class turned to look at him. He flushed and turned to Emmett.

"Do you know what this is about?" he hissed.

Emmett shrugged and grinned, his eyes twinkling.

"Si estas listo, Eduardo," Mrs. Goff said sternly. "Vamos a continuar la lección."

"Lo siento," Edward muttered.

When the bell sounded for lunch, he bolted to the football field.

He wasn't the only one. Apparently, the whole school was dying to know about Edward's message. By the time he made it to the bleachers, a small group of people had already beat him there, and more followed behind. Students pointed down at the field and laughed, and when they saw him, they burst into applause.

Emmett bumped into his back when he stopped dead in his tracks, suddenly not sure if he really wanted to see the message Bella promised him.

"Edward!" Jasper called from the top of the stands.

Alice stood by his side, wearing a face of begrudging amusement. She smiled at him half-heartedly.

"Come up here, dude! You have to see this!"

He felt like he was climbing steps to the gallows. All around him, grinning faces laughed and whispered. When he finally got to where Jasper and his sister stood, he almost couldn't look.

But then he did.

It took a second to register what he was looking at. Someone, presumably Bella, had taken weed killer to the field in artistic fashion. Big, brown block letters spelled his message in words that stretched across the field.

BELLA LOVES EDWARD.

"Oh, shit," he whispered. His legs shook, and Jasper and Emmett each grabbed an elbow. "Oh, _shit_."

"Right?" Jasper laughed. "She is going to be in detention for life."

"Bella did this?" Edward stood stunned, his head reeling. _Bella loves Edward. _Did that mean...

"Well, Em and I helped," Jasper said. Alice sighed gustily. "By the way, when you and B make up, would you mind getting me out of the doghouse with your sister?"

"You aren't in the doghouse," Alice said quietly. "But she still is."

"I don't know." Emmett chuckled. "Maybe not for long."

"When did you guys...what did...I mean, did she...?" Edward finally managed to sit down, while around him students continued to gather and point. He didn't know if he was more embarrassed or confused.

"She asked for my help," Emmett explained. "I got Jas in on it. He helped with the message, and I stood lookout. Pretty good, huh?"

"Ignoring the crazy crooked slant," Jasper mused, "Not a bad job."

Bella's strange behavior played out in Edward's mind. She showed up at the musical, his baseball game...she wanted him to know that she cared about his stuff as much as he cared about hers. She was showing him that she could be there for him. That she loved him.

"Holy shit."

"You're pretty eloquent. Someone should pay you to write romantic comedies."

He turned around in his seat. Bella stood there, arms hugging her body. He blinked.

"No, seriously," she rambled. "I'm thinking John Hughes could direct, and Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks could co-star. Think _Sleepless in Seattle_ meets _Sixteen Candles_."

He stood up.

"You know, if that whole music thing doesn't work out for you."

"Bella," he interrupted.

She stopped babbling. He took a hesitant step forward, and she jumped down from her perch two rows above him. Her eyes were bright and unsure, but his were clear.

"I'm gonna kiss you now."

The watching crowd cheered, and as his lips crashed into hers, Bella had only one thought.

_Finally_.

**Track Eleven: Can You Feel The Love Tonight, Elton John**


	12. Can You Feel the Love Tonight

Can You Feel the Love Tonight

_An enchanted moment, and it sees me through_

_It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you_

"On the count of three, say 'cheese!'"

The prom photograph for Bella and Edward immortalized his look of complete adoration and her annoyed eyeroll. She wasn't annoyed with her date, or the prom as a whole, but she wouldn't have minded kicking the photographer's ass.

The couple stood under a banner that screamed the night's theme and an arch of silver and pink balloons, which clashed horribly with her red Doc Martens. She'd bought the shoes especially for the biggest dance of the year to wear with a black tulle ballerina gown. Edward said she'd never looked more beautiful, with her eyes lined in dark kohl and her lips stained crimson. Bella, however, began to wish she'd gone the traditional route, if for no other reason than to avoid embarrassment for the boy she loved. The boy who'd given her the second chance she'd never take for granted.

She'd had to be Bella, though. Alice and Rosalie had shown up at her door in fluffy pinks and purples, never batting an eyelash at her chosen attire, and Bella had been thrilled with her choice. She stayed true to herself and stood out from the crowd. Once inside the crammed VFW hall where the dance was held, she began to rethink her decision.

"What's going on in your head?" Edward handed her a plate of cookies and cocktail sausages, an eyebrow raised in concern.

"Eh."

"Are you not having fun?"

Before she could answer, an unholy shriek ripped through the stuffy room, and every head turned to see the commotion.

"You heard me talking about it in the bathroom, you bitch! That store was the only place with this exact dress, and you did this on _purpose._"

"Is that my sister?" Edward looked mildly surprised, but his eyes still searched Bella's, a concerned frown creasing his forehead.

"Holy shit. Jessica Stanley showed up in the same dress." Bella giggled and did a little dance in place. "Now I'm having fun."

As both the junior and senior classes looked on, Alice pulled herself up to her full height, including the three extra inches her heels gave her, and dumped a cup of red punch over Jessica's pink, satin, exactly identical dress.

Bella did an honest-to-God cheerleading jump, though she'd deny it every day for the rest of her life. Edward's head swiveled back and forth between his sister and Bella, who continued to flap her arms like a chicken.

"How did you do that in those shoes?"

"Do what? I didn't do anything." Bella adopted an innocent expression and shoved a sugar cookie between her lips without concern for her lipstick.

That move was enough to distract Edward, but his comment about her shoes reminded her how uncomfortable she'd been with her dress. While he stared at her mouth, she stared at Rosalie's purple heels, which had been dyed to match her dress. Her tall, blonde friend hadn't stopped there, either. Small rhinestone accents had been clipped onto the toes, making every step glitter and shine.

"She started it," Alice yelled over the music and gossiping students. "She wore the same dress on purpose! Who does that? Get your own fashion sense, lazy cow."

Jasper looked like all his birthdays had come at once. He trailed after his seething girlfriend as she was escorted from the premises. Just before he exited, he turned and found Bella's gaze on him. With a wink and a thumbs up, he mouthed the words "thank you."

"Oh, God. Someone tell him I had nothing to do with that. Someone should _definitely _tell your parents I had nothing to do with that."

"I'll make sure they know." Edward refused to be deterred any longer. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. That was the best possible thing that could have happened tonight. Took all the attention off my dress and shoes."

Without meaning to, Bella let slip exactly what bothered her. Edward took a step back and let his gaze rake over her, his eyes growing dark in the strobe lights.

"There is nothing wrong with what you're wearing." His words were definite, and she believed him.

"Still," she persisted. "Look at you."

She gestured to his slim-fitting suit and skinny tie, stopping at his feet, and then she gasped.

"What are you wearing?"

He grinned and lifted a pants leg. "These things? I think you call them Docs."

Bella's heart gave a huge thump, and she threw herself into his embrace. He pulled her even closer and smoothed his hands down the rough texture of the tulle and the silk of her back, loving that her skin was softer than her dress.

"I told you I love you exactly like you are. Silly, beautiful, funny, a little crazy..." Edward buried his nose in the her hair and took a deep breath. "You make me silly and crazy."

"You don't mind that I'll never be prom queen?" She tilted her head toward the stage where Rosalie and Emmett accepted their new titles with grace and shit-eating grins. "You're a golden boy who deserves a golden girl."

"I was treading water in a small town until you got here. You, with your insanity and pranks. I don't want to be that guy anymore, and I don't want any other girl...ever."

The finality of his words pierced all the way to her heart, and a mental image of white tulle instead of black filled her mind. The future he presented could only happen if something else occurred first. College, preferably together.

"And don't rule out prom queen just yet," Edward whispered. "Your stunt with the weed killer gained you a lot of new fans."

She would tell him soon enough that she wanted to join him at whichever university he chose, or whatever they chose together. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in his eyes, dance to the cheesiest music ever recorded while lamenting the loss of Nirvana, and psych herself up for the moment he'd remove the dress and shoes she'd doubted so fully to make love for the first time since they'd gotten back together.

"When can we get out of here?" Edward tightened his hold, his mind obviously already in the hotel room he'd secured for after the prom.

"We have to at least wait for the prom theme song." Bella tilted her head and shot him a mock glare. "I didn't get dressed up for nothing."

At that moment, the familiar strains of the Disney tune filled the hall, and Edward's smirk grew into a full grin. Without waiting for the first lyrics, he turned and pulled her toward the door.

**Track Twelve: I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), Meatloaf**


	13. I'd Do Anything for Love

I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

_Maybe I'm crazy _

_But it's crazy and it's true _

_I know you can save me _

_No one else can save me but you_

It was a rare sunny June day in Forks, and Edward and Bella were taking full advantage of it. They lay sprawled on a blanket in a small clearing he'd found years ago on a run through the woods. The rainy spring left the clearing peppered with wildflowers, and the sun shone down and warmed the air.

"Let's just freeze time right here," Bella murmured. She watched a songbird flutter across the gap in the trees and sighed happily.

Edward's mind was on the boxes that were starting to accumulate in the upstairs hallway outside his sister's room. She was actually moving out. She got her dorm assignment in the mail and had already talked to her roommate on the phone once. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that in a few short months, he'd lose his sister, Emmett, and Rosalie, all at the same time. Even though Emmett and Rosalie would be in Seattle, it seemed like a world away.

"I would be okay with that."

His voice caught, and Bella rolled over onto her stomach to look at him.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know." He frowned. "I just haven't really thought about next year, you know? It's going to be so weird to be seniors. Our friends will be gone. It'll just be you, me, and Jasper."

"I'm sure Em and Rose will be back to visit." Bella laid her head down on his chest and looked up into his eyes. "And Alice will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe we can go visit her on Spring Break. Who knows, maybe you'll be off to some big East Coast college in a couple years. We could do a road trip and stop at some schools along the way."

Edward's heart sped. "I don't know. That's really far away."

He stopped short of completing his thought. _From you._

"Yeah, but maybe we'd be together. You know, even if I don't get into some fancy college, I'm still going to go."

He sat up, jarring her neck and dropping her head into the grass.

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry," he said. "But I thought you weren't interested in college?"

She sat up, too, mirroring his position.

"I kind of re-thought things," she admitted. "I had a lot of time to think when we were apart, and I realized maybe I shot down the college idea too quickly. Maybe I didn't have enough faith in myself. I get decent grades. There isn't any reason why I shouldn't get an education. Even if it isn't Ivy League."

His heart pounding, Edward grabbed her hands. For some reason, her admission that she was seriously considering college made him panic. "You don't have to do that for me."

"I'm not. I'm doing it for me." Then she grinned widely. "Besides, if we can end up in the same city, it would just be plain economical to find an apartment together."

The thought of living with her, of seeing her every day when he woke up and every night when he want to sleep, gave Edward the irresistible urge to tackle her. He shoved his anxiety to the back of his mind and leaned in for a kiss instead.

"I love you," she sighed when they broke apart. His answer didn't involve words.

A couple of weeks later, they sat down to dinner with Edward's family. Esme tended to be stiff around Bella, even though her son had begged her to move on.

"She loves me, Mom." He crossed his arms stubbornly. "And I love her. So get over it."

"It's hard for a mother to forgive someone who hurt their child," she answered quietly. "Some day you'll have children, and you'll understand."

Edward kept his mouth shut after that, torn between the thrill of picturing a family with Bella and the fervent hope of a teenage boy who prays his girlfriend will never get pregnant.

Between the awkward scrapes of silverware against plates, Carlisle attempted to mediate conversation.

"Bella, do you have any plans for touring campuses?"

She smiled gratefully. "Yeah, actually. Dad and I are going to check out the University of Washington, but I also want to see Oregon State and maybe a couple schools in California."

Edward stared. It was the first concrete college-related plan he'd heard from her.

"California?"

She shrugged. "It's just a thought. No harm in looking, right?"

He stewed for the rest of the night. When he dropped her off at her driveway later, she finally broke down and demanded answers.

"What is your problem?"

"Huh?"

"You've been distant all night. Not cool, Edward. We talk about things now. It's what we do. Out with it."

He squirmed in his seat. "I'm just not sure about this college thing."

"What? That doesn't make any sense. You're the one with everything going for you. Why shouldn't you go to college?"

"Well, sure. Eventually. But we're young. Why don't we do something crazy first? See the world? I have enough money in my savings account to get us to Europe. We could backpack, stay in hostels, sleep on trains. Let's be responsible later. College can wait."

"Where is this coming from?" Bella stared at him, bewildered. "You're talking like me."

"Exactly." He kissed her passionately, cupping her face in his hands and biting gently on her lower lip. It was the type of kiss that usually distracted her. She pulled away.

"While I appreciate the effort, you're not making any sense right now. What about your plans? What about your parents?"

"Plans change, and my parents can deal." He tried to kiss her again, but she put a gentle hand over his mouth.

"You're freaking out right now, and even though I enjoy doing crazy things with you, I'm not about to ruin your life by jumping on the Euro-rail and saying goodbye to responsibility for an indefinite period of time. Your mother would never forgive me. And since I'm really trying to get on Mama Cullen's good side, why don't you tell me what this is actually about?"

He slumped in his seat and banged his head against the headrest.

"I'm not freaking out, okay? I just thought a little irresponsibility sounded good right now."

"Right, but usually your version of irresponsible involves a clove cigarette with Jasper and some stolen booze."

He hated that she knew him so well, but he also loved her for it.

"Everything is changing. Alice is going away, you're suddenly looking at college in California. We're going to be seniors. I'm going to have to decide what to do with my life, and I just—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm keeping my options open. I want to go to college, yeah, but I'm not going to make any decisions right now. And who said you have to have everything figured out right this second?"

"Everyone! That's how it works! They make you declare a major, but only after you go through this massive application process that determines who you are and what you do for the rest of your _life_."

Bella smiled and pulled him in for a hug. He listened to the quiet thud of her heartbeat until she spoke.

"Listen, I may be new to the whole college thing, but nothing I've seen suggests that you can't take your time, or even change your mind a few times. Applying will be stressful, probably, but you and me and Jasper will figure it out together. Hell, we could probably even ask the guidance counselor for advice if you're that freaked out about it."

He laughed at that. Ms. Mullally, the guidance counselor, spent most of her days holed up in her office with the door closed. Speculation ran rampant about what exactly she did in there, since she was hardly ever with a student.

"I'm not saying no to the backpacking through Europe idea," she continued. "I am on board. But not as an avoidance tactic. Okay? Craziness has a time and place."

He pulled away and pressed the back of his hand against her forehead. "Are you feeling okay? Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Ha."

"Gotcha. You laughed."

She snorted. "You wish."

They sat quietly holding hands for a long moment.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know."

"No, I mean I really love you. Gut-wrenching, life-changing kind of love."

His cheeks flushed in the moonlight, and she thought he had never been more handsome.

"Gut wrenching? Sounds like you might have the stomach flu."

She wouldn't be dissuaded by jokes.

"You're it for me, Edward. I may not know what school I'm going to or what major I'll declare, but I know that. I'm done."

His mouth popped open and he gaped. She reached out and pushed up on his jaw with a gentle tap, closing it again. He swallowed, hard.

"Wow."

"Yeah." She fidgeted with her fingers, twisting the end of her shirt in her hands. "So really, we have lots of time to do crazy things like run away to Europe. Because I don't want to do crazy things with anybody but you. Okay?"

He beamed, grasping her hand in both of his and covering it with kisses. "So much more than okay."


	14. Epilogue

_Ten Years Later_

"I can't believe your mom kept all this junk." Bella laughed as she dug through the boxes Esme had stuffed helter skelter into the closet of Edward's childhood bedroom. "What is the point?"

"So she could make us drag it back home and throw it away there?"

"Oh, my God, did you know she had this?"

Grunting, she tugged a box loose from from the packed closet. A few shoe boxes full of pictures tumbled down and hit her over the head, releasing a small avalanche of snapshots.

"Jesus," Edward laughed. "Careful. What's so special about that one?"

"It's from that little apartment we had our sophomore year just outside of campus. Remember when we moved again and your parents took some of our stuff with them?"

Something sparkly caught Edward's eye and he knelt down next to Bella on the floor. "It's your crown, prom queen!"

Bella rolled her eyes but grinned, remembering how much fun they'd had that night. "I seem to remember I wasn't the only one with a crown."

"Sure, but you're the only one who kept yours."

"You want to bet?" She pulled out a matching crown, and he groaned. Then he saw something else.

"Look at this!"

The cassette tape was still in the original case, Edward's note a little wrinkled but no worse for being wrapped around the tape for nine years. They read it together, laughing at Edward's melodramatic declarations.

"You know I had to listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers for days after I played that, don't you?"

"What?" Edward looked affronted. "You didn't swoon over my song choices?"

"Of course I did. I swooned so hard I passed out. Good thing Anthony Kiedis was there to revive me."

Edward playfully snatched the tape back and stuffed it into his back pocket. Bella reached around him to get it back, but gave up after a moment. Her laughter faded into a soft smile, and she wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Did you really think we'd end up here?" She waved her left hand, admiring the glint off her wedding band. They had been married for five years, and she still couldn't believe how lucky she'd gotten when she hit that sign at Forks High. "Forever is a long time when you're seventeen. Did you mean it?"

"Are you kidding? He couldn't shut up about you from the second he saw you." Alice stood in the doorway, her large belly casting a shadow over the box.

"Traitor," he muttered. "Don't you have some gestating to do?"

"I can do that in my sleep. Ooh, I always loved this picture."

She sat down slowly and picked up a photograph that had fallen onto the floor. It had been taken at Bella and Edward's first apartment near UCLA. Emmett and Rosalie had driven down to help them move, and Alice and Jasper had even flown in from New Hampshire. The six of them crowded around a tiny coffee cable on an equally tiny couch. A couple of open beers sat in front of them, and Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around Bella. She shrieked with laughter as he stared at her adoringly.

"That place was such a shithole. I can't believe we made it through a whole year in that dump."

Bella helped Alice to her feet.

"I don't miss moving my children in and out of tiny, dirty apartments, that's for sure." Esme poked her head in, checking on the progress being made.

"That apartment wasn't that dirty!" Bella protested, despite her declaration seconds earlier.

Esme rolled her eyes. "Don't you remember how long I had to clean that stovetop? I could have soaked that whole kitchen in antiseptic, and it would have still been filthy."

Bella laughed at her mother-in-law's dramatic disgust.

"Come on, Esme." Bella slung an arm over Esme's shoulders and tugged Alice along behind her. "I think the cookies are done."

Edward stayed behind, listening as the women he loved most made their way through the house to his mother's spotless kitchen, whispering and giggling the whole way. Instead of joining them right away, he made a detour into his dad's study. Carlisle was getting older and working less, making his way slowly but surely toward retirement.

"Did you clean out that room yet?" Carlisle joked. "You know I need a place for my exercise equipment."

"You've been using that joke since I turned eighteen." Edward shook his head in mock disappointment. "Get some new material, gramps."

"Not yet. Although if your sister gets any bigger, that may change soon."

"I can't believe her doctor let her fly. Jasper was a basketcase by the time they landed."

"You can mock all you want, but when it's your first child, you won't be so blasé."

Edward's eyes gleamed, but he laughed easily. "You're probably right. Come on, I worry about leaving Bella and Mom alone for too long. No telling what kind of trouble they'll get into."

"You know, I think that your wife may be a bad influence on mine." Carlisle followed Edward down the stairs.

"She has that effect on people."

In the kitchen, Bella and Alice talked animatedly. Both women wore big smiles, and Edward's breath caught in his chest. She caught him staring, like she always did. She winked and continued her conversation.

"There was a time when we thought she was a bad influence on you, you know."

Edward smirked at the old argument, long since laid to rest.

"She was an influence all right. Far from a bad one, though."

Carlisle smiled fondly at his daughter-in-law. "Oh, I know."

Bella had encouraged Edward to pursue medicine, even after he'd already completed half a music performance degree. He'd agonized over all the wasted time, but she laughed and told him he was overthinking things.

"Nothing is a waste of time, Edward. Not every path is a straight road. You have to do what you're passionate about," she'd told him, wearing the smile he loved best. "If that means music, great. If that means medicine, then it's time for a change of course."

They took that trip to Europe, but not until after Edward graduated with his bachelor's degree and they celebrated their wedding in front of all their friends and family. He'd gone on to finish medical school and then began his residency in Seattle, where she got a job teaching English and drama at a high school for the performing arts.

In a few hours, when Charlie arrived for Thanksgiving dinner, they would announce that Bella had just cleared her first trimester.

He wished he had a way to send a message back in time and tell seventeen-year-old Edward that life was going to be amazing.

All he had to do was wait and see.

oOo

**SunKing says: I love everyone! Thank you all so much for reading and reminiscing with us. We had the best time with this story, reliving high school for me and something like kindergarten for justaskalice. I'm not jealous. Extra special thanks to m7707, who graciously gave her time to beta this monster all at one time. 'Til next time...and there is already a next time in the works, so don't take us off alert just yet! **

**justaskalice says: Thank you for making this a fun and fantastic ride! We loved hearing your memories and especially your reactions to the songs we picked. It sure brought back some good times for us (Ahem, SunKing, I was in like 5th grade, not kindergarten. Bitch. Jeez.) m7707 was wonderful enough to give us her time and talent and run this bad boy through the beta magic machine, so thank you to her! We can't wait to share our next fluff-venture with you guys. Tell your friends.**


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